.....Breathe....
That is what I am doing this morning. I have not been this still in a long time. For almost 4 months I have been go, go, go. I had a goal in mind. Now mind you it was one of many goals but this one took precedence. To sum it up I was casted for a pretty large, big budget fitness modeling shoot in june and in April I started getting in to high gear because I knew I need to shred some winter weight. I was nervous and excited, because this was the most "real" modeling gig I had ever received. So for 4 months I trained 2 times per day... usually and even completely changed my diet in the last month before the shoot, which was pushed to August. If you have a strict diet to begin with, then you understand the anxiety associated with doing a 360 with it.
From the end of june until now I had lost about 12 pounds. To keep it simple, when 4-5 pounds of that is pure fat, that's a lot in a short amount of time. I measure every single thing I eat on a scale. I bring it restaurants, I had it on the plane to California, heck I even was measuring in between WOD's at the Crossfit Games. Needless to say there was NOTHING that was going to stop me because in the back of my mind it was all worth it because I was going to look great for this shoot.
This week was official crunch time. I had until Saturday to deplete. So hello 73g of carbs per day. Yes... Vegetables count....
To be the proactive professional that I at least try to be I emailed the art director and photographer once more to double check on times and locations.
Then I sat there. I breathed. I kept breathing.... surprisingly. Dad came into the kitchen.
"Hale?"
Cue Crocodile tears.
I sobbed... Like a baby. " But I worked so hard!!!!"
Dad just hugged me and said how sorry he was, trying to be as comforting as he could. I felt like my heart had been ripped out... Oh I guess I should mention, the shoot was off. Done. Not happening. For me and the other models anyways. The brand panicked and went through an agency for models instead of using the real life athletes they had already hired, two days before the shoot. MAEjor Blow.
I was devastated. The time, commitment and not to mention money I had put into this seemed pointless.... for about a millisecond. Then my inner self, slapped my human nature self across the face and said this...
No Haley. It was not pointless, not even a little bit. You killed it for months, you were unhappy with yourself this past year, you needed this either way. You came out stronger and more confident. You had the opportunity and privilege of training with an amazing coach. Your family supported you 110% and are proud either way. My personal fave----> You can be an example for other girls, to achieve their goals no matter what they are and show that girls are fierce and strong. You are a force to reckoned with and we feel bad for who ever gets in your way.
Yup thats what I told myself, well it was something like that at least .
Situations do not always work in our favor or we may not always see them as working in our favor but in all honesty I did not lose much. I have my health, my family, my drive and there will always be more opportunities. If anything I am more determined to continue the path I was on with my training and prep and bring it even better in the near future.
You have three choices when you re let down. You can let the outcome define you, destroy you or you can let it strengthen you.
I am choosing to let let it strengthen me. Rather than wast my energy feeling sorry for myself I will rise above it and attack today.
No one can stop you. Keep going. Ride the wave. Climb the mountain. You are aMAEzing.
Love,
Haley
Reflect. Respect. Repeat.
xx
Ps Here are a few recent photos + some from Cali!
Manhattan Beach Run on The Strand <3
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